Setting Boundaries with Family is Not Easy, but Necessary

It is Sunday, and you’re lounging on the couch watching your favorite show! The phone is on the table next to you, and all is well! Then that dreading sound, that specific sound that your mind associates with “duty calls,” that TEXT MESSAGE. I don’t even hesitate to grab my phone, all the while telling myself. “Welp, break time is over”.

I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE my family, and that is why it feels impossible for me to set boundaries with family. I know this is a feeling that is a struggle for so many of us.

The Wake-Up Call

I can only give my personal experience with realizing when I needed to get serious about setting boundaries for my mental health and being able to give myself some self-care love. It was when I actually tried to have a self care day which included soaking my feet then scrubbing them then a quick polish. Follow that with a quick nail polish and a nice face deep cleansing. I could not even get my tools together let alone preform the self care.

It was at that moment that I told myself, “You have to set time aside for yourself”. I have to be honest and say that at the writing of this post, I still have not gotten serious with myself. Just writing that makes me feel like I need to make myself a priority to keep doing well mentally, for my family to be able to depend on me when I am needed. It is just really hard to feel like I am not the one showing up for my kids and my mother when they need me. They are my responsibility, and I love the titles I hold in this world. Mother and daughter!

What Boundaries Look Like

Boundaries do not always look like cutting family off altogether. These could be ways of setting healthy boundaries:

• ” I need some time to take care of myself too”

• ” Now is not a good time for me to talk, but I will call you right back.”
• “I can’t do it right at the moment, but I will get to it.”

You may feel like you’re being harse or even mean, but we have to realize that by setting these boundaries we are protecting the relationship, not destroying it. Once we get past that guilty feeling, I trust we will be okay.

The Most Challenging Parts

The biggest one for me personally is the feeling of guilt. “My mom raised me, “I decided to have my children.” All the things that go through my mind make me feel like I am the one who needs to be the backbone of my family. I need to be the glue that keeps us together. I need to be the one they can depend on regardless of circumstances or situations.

I may not be able to be there financially all the time, but mentally, emotionally, and physically, they can forever count on me. I never want my family to feel like I am ungrateful for the things they provide for me daily, and that love, good laughs, and just being there for me in ways I truly believe they have no idea that they are. I used to fear losing family members, but for the sake of my mental health and overall wellbeing, I no longer let that fear hold weight over me. If it is necessary,, I will let that energy go and move on.

“We have to have boundaries in order to prevent burnout.” – Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist

https://www.drmollyburrets.com Click the link to get more information about well-being and tips!!

What I Have Come to Know

• You can love from a distance to protect your peace.
• Self-Care is you setting boundaries, not punishing anyone.
• It’s okay if everyone doesn’t get you or your choices.
• YOUR MENTAL HEALTH MATTERS!!
• We have to set examples for our children, so that they can grow and have healthy relationships and know how to protect themselves and their peace, a.k.a. mental health.

Try These Simple Steps to help:

You don’t have to feel like you have to accomplish all your boundaries at once. Take it one at a time if you need to. You do not have to explain your decisions in excess. Stay consistent in your decisions even when it gets hard to do.

Always use your support system, whatever that looks like for you; family, friends, therapist, and ME. I am always an open ear and will do all I can to help you. Email me, leave a comment, whatever works for you!! I absolutely love this… “No” is a complete sentence. I saw that somewhere and my goodness it was so loud to me, and I will myself be using that more.

Listen, I will be the first to tell you that it is not easy to tell family no, or you can’t do it, but we have to set these boundaries to get the self-love and personal time we need in order to be completely there for our family. We have to take care of ourselves so that we can take care of everyone else. We got this! Before you go, ask yourself, ” What boundary do you need to start setting today?” Start there, and I wish you luck!!

Check out this post about self-care for moms, but I am positive it’s a post everyone can benefit from reading!

https://fiveandthriving.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=159&action=edit